And when she thinks of it
The tears roll down her cheeks
And into her mouth salty
A wet full smack would’ve definitely been better
Than this mask
Further down that long hard row…..
She was on a crash and burn
No remorse or reaction
Her mind was on a numbing course of action
Sitting and staring at the horizon
On unemotional oblivion she rode
into a freshly painted sunset
On the sweaty back of recourse
That fucking she devil
She claimed as her avatar
She rooked from afar
Wishing upon a shiny synthetic stars
She dropped her tears into a plastic jar
Saving them for a later spar
With herself and a crashing car
She felt she didn’t need them then
Looking back wide and far
Now as she plows the row she hoed
Such deep furrows allow the deepest roots of sorrow
To take ahold and become consequently bold
They’re dampened by the tears exceeding
Inside that unbreakable jar
She is told to let go
Let them fall where they may
Open it freely let your insides out
But her heart feels so icy cold to the touch
Some days she just can’t shout it out enough
She just sits and cries and such
Telling analytical blah blah blahs
All plushly sorrowed for her stored up tears
And fears her mind sits in perpetual description
Some don’t recognize their own heavy heart its clear
And she’s lucky she’s told
Unharnessing those woes in anticipation bold
All sewn together by razor wire
She can’t move entire parts of herself without fire
Via a marionette string manipulation theory attire
At times so she is fucking tired
She covets being a white feather in the breeze
Blowing free here and now
But her negative fringes help drown her dirty and
Wallowing around in her black stained tears
Moved her soulless under spiritual attack bathed in fear
She neglected her very own weary soul when
The she devil drowned her in
Proverbial dirty richness
Dripping and draining her energy
Drop by drop it all added to
A fade to nothing emotional exhaustion
It developed ignorant slack and
That’s when the blackest of black tears
Hustled her fears right outta here
Slippery crawling down fleshy dank cheeks
Reluctantly trading limp for peaceful
It yielded from her wearily by the hour
This present Powerlessness feels golden
As she stands here holdin’ her heart
For all to see vulnerability
Emboldened by intimate conceding day by day
The she devil in her is freed
Csherri032010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
My Heart Is
My Heart Is
And the philosophers say
Suffering is akin to polishing a diamond
It’s in the polishing process that we find beauty
Its in the labor a star is born
It’s in our perception that suffering
Reigns or releases
It’s all I can do today
To be peaceful
It’s all I can do today to be present
Stay focused
The human condition is sad when
A person destructs their own soul
Imploding into a giant blob of sorrow
Bleeding on the ones
That carries them
Loved ones
Heavyhearted full of black burdens
Dark energy condemns and covets
Never satiated
You’re not carrying my heart the right way
Black souls are the heaviest
I know
I carry one around
On top of my very own weary indigo soul
No wonder it’s not easy
I can’t drop it though
It’s a part of me somehow
Black matter
I fear fragile as dark matter may crumble into pieces
Right before my empathetic eyes
I would die slowly looking at that messy death
It’s not my burden they say
They also tell us to do things to
stay healthy
and warm
and safe
and healthy
and smart
and smart
and worry free
THEY are not the experts
Our own hearts are an expert where light lives
My heart says stop and rest lil one
My heart cries in pain and sorrow
For black hearts do matter a plenty in this place
Still
My heart is saddened most days
I prefer the pain?
To feel and live a full life?
I am hurting today.
I am suffering.
Still.
A star in the night sky shifts and smolders
Again black matter spreads out
Light adjusts amending the darkness
Which came first?
Dark matter or light?
And the philosophers say
Suffering is akin to polishing a diamond
It’s in the polishing process that we find beauty
Its in the labor a star is born
It’s in our perception that suffering
Reigns or releases
It’s all I can do today
To be peaceful
It’s all I can do today to be present
Stay focused
The human condition is sad when
A person destructs their own soul
Imploding into a giant blob of sorrow
Bleeding on the ones
That carries them
Loved ones
Heavyhearted full of black burdens
Dark energy condemns and covets
Never satiated
You’re not carrying my heart the right way
Black souls are the heaviest
I know
I carry one around
On top of my very own weary indigo soul
No wonder it’s not easy
I can’t drop it though
It’s a part of me somehow
Black matter
I fear fragile as dark matter may crumble into pieces
Right before my empathetic eyes
I would die slowly looking at that messy death
It’s not my burden they say
They also tell us to do things to
stay healthy
and warm
and safe
and healthy
and smart
and smart
and worry free
THEY are not the experts
Our own hearts are an expert where light lives
My heart says stop and rest lil one
My heart cries in pain and sorrow
For black hearts do matter a plenty in this place
Still
My heart is saddened most days
I prefer the pain?
To feel and live a full life?
I am hurting today.
I am suffering.
Still.
A star in the night sky shifts and smolders
Again black matter spreads out
Light adjusts amending the darkness
Which came first?
Dark matter or light?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
She-Devil
The wind in my hair
Blows the breeze
Into a completely tangly snare
Wrangling and tumbling into
The dry freeze of snarly hair
Air born hair
So grape jelly mahogany
Freeborn
My lox do so curl around the notion of
Devil may care
I dampen the air with a sultry stare
Right through you
I flare the breezes nostrils with my
Non chalant devil may care
C’est la vie attitude
Savior fare on occasion
If you dare
As you exude self loving soliloquies
I daydream I am
On the backside with you
A sinuous godlike mare
His mane engulfs my air
I smell it and I drink his bulky stride
It stings my green eyed glare
You ride and glide spending mare’s pride
As currency
Further up and up
Into the dream we go
He’s carrying me
Sigh
I relax into his sinew
Once again
Devil may care
I glide him into last
And I finally sit
We meditate in a communal solitude
I hesitantly squint
At the mares wide glazing stare
On my Golden skin so fair
Forever noticing this could hurt
Soreness from loves tender touch
We sans forget
Distillate heart particulates
Misting warmth while this
She-Devil may just care
Im Caught in a snare
I don’t mind
She-devil gently prays
Anyway
Suspended in dreamy splendiferous ness
My spirit plans a county fair
The fair whence I will sell my newfound flare
My fanciful ness
Priceless I decide
As I ride this breezy mare
Click clock click clock
Glide
Into the sunset we go
Slow clean strides
This she-Devil may always effing care
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